One day at a time.

As I grow older, I find it is more difficult to teach and guide individuals,  to shield people of what I been through. 

When I was teaching years ago, I strictly taught on a yelling basis. If the students were out of line, I would yell and put them in their place. I never really sat down just to talk about life, to give them a feel of what may come their way. When one of my students came in with a bad day, a tear in their eye, I wouldn’t even care to ask what was the matter. I simply proceeded to teach and neglect any possible issue they may have.

Teaching this weekend, I feel like there is a new me. Yes I do put my students in line when I feel the need, but I make sure that they need to understand and live by respect. Without respect, there wouldn’t be much. Respecting one another is an underlying message in life. Sad to say, ever since my boys and I left Vovinam, respect for the elderly has gone way down. I’m making it a goal for myself to have these kids, young and old, respect one another, especially those of higher rank and older age. Those days of teaching and listening to your Sifu/Thay has been changed with utter loud noises that overpower my Sifu/Thay’s voice.

I’ve noticed how I matured in this situation. I used to just yell and simply not give a damn. The fact that I cared for my students, asked them their name, how they were doing, age and making small talk, I saw how I changed within these past 6 years. I actually care for my student’s well being. Although I haven’t been around much to have them call me Thay, I do know that I want to be their teacher. I want to instill the same mentality that I have now into the minds of my students. I want to change the disrespected to the respect, the unconfident to the confident, the trouble child to the lucky child.

Perhaps we can attribute this vision to what I’ve been through. I’ve been through rough hard times where getting up was hard to do. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel wasn’t always so clear. I fear for the people closest to me and for the people that I encounter to go through the same things that I went to and do the same things I did. I wish I can give my wisdom to all and have them understand, but I know not everyone will take in what I have to say. As hard as it is, I have to accept that and deal with it, but please understand that your personal well being is in my deepest interest. 

There were times when I was down and out because of the past and what came to haunt me, but with time, I slowly let go and learned to use my experiences as teachings to whoever I come across. I remember when a few used to call me Wisdom, what a fitting name it was. I’m more wise in my decisions and wish that those who can give me two minutes to speak will make wise decisions themselves. At times we do things head first without taking precaution and thinking of what may and may not happen, sure I am unpredictable, but I know not to play with fire and subject myself to certain scenarios.

I recall the one time where my friend Sasha came to me just to give her advice. I guess I feel like that is what God wants me to do, to share my knowledge and point people in the right direction, to protect and shield individuals. I try to live holy and more God-like as the days proceed. I want to be a person that people can turn to for advice, to listen, to teach and preach. I can only speak so much if the person doesn’t want to listen nor believe. Then they too will be like me and learn from experience, something that I wanted to save them from.

I guess I can’t help everyone, but as they say, if I can help one person and change their life, then I can die saying that I did something right…I impacted someone’s life.