Archive for February, 2009

“My Number 1 Mission Is To Make My Son Proud Of Me”

(First I apologize for the cursing. Since the beginning of this week I have stopped cursing, but this issue is something that brings out the worst in me)

Now this is a touchy subject for me: fatherhood. Although my life wasn’t as bad as the fatherless kids on reality shows or talk shows, it definitely wasn’t the greatest…probably traumatizing. Yes I have a father. Yes I know who my father is. Yes we keep in contact from time to time. Yes he provided the funds that I needed. Truth it takes much more than that to be a good father.

Growing up my best friend was my sister. I didn’t get to play with my father or mother much, they were always at work. There is no question in my mind that I thank them for working so hard to raise us in a blessed environment, but there were times that I wished we could be a normal family. Partaking in sports, recreational activities every weekend, whatever it was, I just wanted my family.

 I remember seeing kids with their fathers at school at open house, kids having their dads help them on projects. Controlling as he was, he did my whole project without me. The volcano you make in grade school, mine was made by him and I didn’t get a chance to help him.

Perhaps my distance and anger with my father started off when I was born. When I was 5, my mother told me that he wasn’t there when I was born. He didn’t name me, my grandfather did. Why did he miss out on his only son’s birth? To be a fuckin stereo system on sale…WAS IT FUCKIN WORTH IT?! My very own father, the half that gave me life, didn’t even fuckin name me, had no plans of naming me.

Truth is my father never told me he was proud of me, more so I was a burden. Imagine growing up and all you wanted was to have someone to look up to, but that person would not accept you for who you are. All I ever wanted was for him to be proud of me. Years in Kung Fu, did he ever make it to one of my competitions? FUCK NO. Till this day my father questions my lifestyle. Dancing, Martial Arts, Painting, Music…it’s all useless to him. I have no talent. The only thing I’m good for was that I graduated and I’m making money. Hell, he wasn’t even proud of me when I got accepted into UCSD..YOU KNOW HOW FUCKIN HARD THAT SHIT IS?!

Now where do I come off with this topic? I read up on how a 13 year old Brit Boy became a father (you can catch it here). I see the pictures of how he was there for his daughter’s birth, was at the hospital everyday…this is coming from a 13 year old and his balls didn’t even drop yet! If he can do that, why couldn’t my father?…I’m not saying this kid is going to be a great father, no income, no job, just video games, what can he really do? I’m a bit skeptical of how he really would be a good father. You can call me jealous, because I am. Till this day I just want to scream at my father and ask “Why weren’t you there to hold me when I was born, why didn’t you brand me with a name that YOU and mom thought of?”

Truth is that I do NOT have any respect for any man who will not take care of his seed. Money is not the key to being a father. Love your child, accept him or her for the person he or she will be, spend time with your child, make sure you are there for them ALWAYS. In my deepest troubles, when my heart broke the first time, when I fell off my bike…he wasn’t there. I had to teach everything to myself, the only thing he wanted to teach me was crap about computers.

They say “it’s never too late.” In reality, it is. I cried out for my father when I was young, to the point where I didn’t get any comfort and had to look elsewhere. Ever since then I stopped and relied on myself, my mother and sister. In a sense I had to grow up fast and become the man of the house and look after my older sister and mother. There’s more of what happened when I grew up, but it’s too personal to talk about.

Best believe that when I do have a child, I will be there day one. I’ll be suffocating my child to the point where he or she gets annoyed, but just because I love him or her so much. Although I’m no where near having a child of my own, I do know that I will be a wonderful father. I’ve been blessed to meet wonderful role models in my life that call me their son, I’ve learned what to do and what not to do.  

As Geologic said, “my number 1 mission is to make my son proud of me!”

To all the SOBs with kids that dont take responsibility or care for their children…FUCK YOU. This shit is not a “on my convenience” type of gig, its a 24/7, full time, for the rest of your life type of shit. If you got the balls to make a child, but don’t have what it takes to man up and love your kid unconditionally, then I speak for them and raise my finger up in front of your face, look at you straight in the eye, and scream out loud…FUCK YOU!

To the Mommas making it on your own…I take my hat off and thank you. Before I say that, if your man isn’t taking care of you or your child, do yourself a favor and know better. You are better off without them and dont need him. I don’t give a fuck what he says, my mother single handedly raised my sister and I. She did it with a luxurious home, car, and clothes. If my mom could do it, so can you.

As Tupac said, “Keep your head up.”

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Success Is The Best Answer to Revenge

My normal routine during the weekday consists of chatting with Christian on AIM. I haven’t seen him since October, so this is the best way for us to keep in touch without talking on the phone…you know, thats a little awkward between males.

As we discussed about his ex battle axe girlfriend, he stated “Success is the best form of revenge.”

Now that Christian has found something that is worth mentioning, graduated college, and is doing pretty well, Battle Axe all of the sudden wants him back and isn’t over him.

Proof? Here is what the face of jealousy looks like. This picture was taken over the weekend. Her face looked like this the whole time. Why? Because Christian’s new, wonderful, passion driven, independent girlfriend was there.

(Notice how “battle axe” focuses and looks at Christian. Drink up girl, drink the pain away)

The Effects of Words

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words would never hurt me.”

This on-going saying that we used to repeat as adolescent narrow minded children transforms into a false statement as we grow older. Words have a way of sticking to your brain, twisting and turning the insides of your body, making you feel all sorts of emotions: good and bad.

I’ve been through physical pain, but nothing can ever amount what words could do to a person. “I hate you. I dont like you.” It burns. Coming from a 23-year-old man thats been through flying bullets, stab wounds, external damages from fights…words hurt more than any of the above. It can really cause you to lose sleep, have a non-existent appetite, and just turn your world upside down. It’s not something to be toyed with.

I’ve never been the type to really have a few words or paragraphs affect my day and my emotions, but this time it is different. It’s a new me. I went from a heartless, cold, selfish person, to a man that actually cares and shows what he has to offer.

Think of words as a double edge sword. If you strike, something will be cut, will bleed, and will hurt. It will be felt. Our intentions of what we say should never be to hurt the other person, but the sole purpose is to allow each other to understand. At times we may be shaded by the anger and emotions we feel inside. In result, meaningless and hurtful things are said to one another.

Words are supposed to be used as emotion, as education, and understanding. With what I say, I never mean to deliberately hurt anyone. If I wanted to be ruthless, I would use the worst context in the worst way to bring that emotion across, but that’s never my mission. As they said “I just want you to understand.”

Do I believe that we have options of how was can get our point across? Yes. Make your decisions calmly and think of the other person while you are thinking of your emotions. Think about how the other individual may feel from what is to be said. As my headline on myspace says, “humility first.”

Choose your words wisely. Even though you may not mean what you say, it can last in the person’s mind for quite some time. Anger and frustration is not the reason for hurtful actions or words, it is the weakness.

Nobody is the winner in a fight. Whether I win my kung fu competitions and get rewarded with a trophy and title, my body is still in pain from enduring all those blows. This applies to words. You try to get your point across and win the arguement, win the fight, yet both parties or individuals feel the emotions on the inside.

I apologize. Please do not take my words as anything more than a mere attempt for you to understand.

T is back!

Looks like my all time favorite is back. T aka Tasha aka Yoon Mi Rae is finally back with another new great hit. She also looks skinnier. Definitely going to cop the cd when it comes out.

“Dont Leave Me”

Deep in Life: The Story of Ninja Child and a Lesson Taught

Warning: Long Read, but worth it

It’s 11:38 AM at work and I have an urge to write. It is my second day back from Hawaii and my biological clock is still a little messed up.

Lately I have been speaking with my friends from high school and college, comparing our post graduate life. Now before you think that this is a way for me to brag, it’s not. Read the entire post as I will shed some light.

I was asked by a college friend to write about my life as I have graduated last year and I’m doing the work force thing. For those of you that do not follow my life like how you follow some random white people’s life on The Hills or a black person’s life on Baldwin Hills, let me fill you in on what your’s truly has been up to. First let me rewind my life to the start of college and then proceed with what’s been going on:

Late 2004-early 2006: I spent my days at Moorpark Community College. I was never really interested in going straight into a UC, well I was lazy. In result, I ended up going to the local community college. While busting my butt being a lazy community college student, I also worked at numerous retail jobs, some ended with me becoming a manager. Life was great. I continued my passion with dancing, art, finding music, my normal routines in life.

Mid 2006-mid 2008: I spent my days in San Diego, hustling and trying to graduate with a Bachelors in Economics at UCSD (which I did attain). I continued dancing and my normal hobbies, but I had a mission in mind and it was to finish school. While in San Diego, I got my foot in deeper into marketing. I was doing promotions and advertising (marketing) for local clothing brands.

July 1st-July 12th, 2008: I moved back to my hometown in search for a job. I started interning at a company for the finance and accounting department. I only worked for a day and then I moved over to the marketing department to go balls deep into something I actually liked.

July 13th-July 18th, 2008: In Hawaii for 5 days. I spent my time in Hawaii with my sister and mother as a graduation gift for doing my thing in San Diego.

July 19th,2008: I went straight to work after landing in LAX from Hawaii. To my surprise the marketing director offered me a position the day that I came back. She was impressed with my finished project the day before I left to Hawaii and she decided to use my help. I was given the title of Marketing Specialist for Marketing Programs.

August 5th, 2008: The first day I got to travel for work. They flew me up to San Francisco for a day so that I could help support the other Marketing Specialists at a tradeshow.

Late October, 2008: I was moved from Marketing Programs to Marketing Communications. My title: Marketing Special Ops. This definitely was a better change for me!

First week of November, 2008: The job flew me out to Canada for two days to suppot a seminar. After flying back to LAX, I had to fly out to the Bay for two days to support a tradeshow again. This time I got to display everything that I learned about the company for the past few months. I blew my managers away with all the information I knew. Trust me, I never knew I would know so much about Wi-Fi.

December 11th-December 15th, 2008: My family took a trip to Hawaii again. I paid for my own ticket, hotel room, and my mother’s ticket. I locked down a relationship with Roro on Dec 12th…yeah pono!

January 22nd-January 26th, 2008: I flew my girlfriend out to my hometown and we had an adventure with our friends and each other. Disneyland, movies, family, breakfast at Eggs N Things, qt with Roro, what more can I ask for?! Fuckin Splendid

February 12th-February 17th, 2008: I flew myself out to Hawaii to spend time with Roro on our anniversary and valentine’s day. We went to see Boyz II Men. Saw my all time favorite group. Met her family and more of her friends. Celebrated and ate massive dinners and lunches with her, followed with amazing shaved ice. More time spent with Roro. Verdict? Fucking amazing.

Return to Newbury Park. How does life compare here with what I’m doing? It doesn’t really.  

Now lets get to the important message. The part that drives my life as of late.

I wake up in Honolulu next to RoRo. I close my eyes and I’m in Newbury Park. I wipe my butt and I’m in Canada. I land and I’m off to San Francisco. This is my life. I’m in love with it. Not in the retarded, perveted way. I’m in love with it because I made it happen, no luck, no hand outs, just pure hard work. I owned up to my passion, drove as close to the edge as I could and took it to life with no intention of doing anything less of going deep into life.

My passion and strive for life has always been to become successful. I don’t care about fame or getting my name out. I just want to be good at what I do and be successful. My success isn’t measured in my monetary value, but it’s measured in what I do. In the span of 7 months, I have travelled more than 5 times. Besides the work related travels where everything is paid for, I’ve paid for my leisure travels. I’ve continued with my hobbies of dancing, painting, martial arts, and more. Sure enough I did excel in each hobby, but I never had the focus of becoming famous from them. I just wanted to be me, but always be successful.

For those of you that don’t know my fixation with success. Everything that I ever did in my life, was defined by success. I had to master what ever it is that I was doing. I eat, sleep, and shit a lifestyle that is worthy of the word success. I was that child that people looked down upon thinking that I wouldn’t amount to anything. Long behold I kept a secret inside of me and showed everyone that I am successful. The true essence of my success is my lifestyle. What do these past months mean to me? Means that I’ve made it. After numerous years, all my hard work, blood, sweat, and tears finally paid off. I’ve taken jobs that made me the little bitch at the bottom of the totem pole to jobs where I had to hustle using my talents. I’ve worked hard enough for success to the point where it was a miserable and mundane cycle that some call “life” and transformed me into a lifetime addict, quenching for success every moment of my life.

I got a white paper in the mail stating “Congratulations Dan Pham.” Cue the sense of accomplishment. “Danny, I want to offer you a position.” Ring the bells, turn on the sirens, scream at the top of your lungs. I fucken made it.

The biggest respect I will ever have is for the people who have the desire and the will to seek and follow their passion. Find your passion in life. Whether it is making money, dancing, drawing, writing, teaching. You should live it, breathe it, eat it, sleep it. Follow it. Pave your own way to accomplish it. Open your mind and continue to push your limits. Keep following and don’t fall behind. This is honor…this is the essence of life.

Going going back back to Hawaii

“I pack my bags, I’m out the door again
I gotta catch another flight down south, at 5 am”

I will be gone Thursday till Tuesday morning. Where will I be you ask? In Hawaii spending my time with this stink face. JK!

 

My flight leaves at 8, but I need to wake up at 4am, get to Van Nuy by 4:45-5am and be at the airport by 6-6:30. YAY for early morning flights, but hey, it’s all worth it.

Til then, everyone enjoy your weekend, your valentines day, whatever it is that you do. And remember, there’s nothing wrong with a little self love.

Toilet Rules in China…WTF

I did not understand a single word. Courtesy of Engrish.com